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Together We Shine

By on May 23, 2018

Closing the gender gap is more than just a moral imperative to benefit women, it’s an economic one that benefits everyone.

As Prime Minister Shinzo Abe stated in his 2014 keynote speech at the World Economic Forum Annual Meeting in Davos, the female labour force in Japan is “the most under-utilized resource” and tapping into this under-utilized resource is an economic necessity to correct the looming labour shortage. Abe’s commitment to make Japan “a place where women shine” involves changes to government policy, and private sector practices that, for many people, are outside of both their scope and their interest. This leaves them feeling that there’s not much they can do to impact this problem, but the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. One of the most important leverage points in closing the gender gap lies in the way we navigate our home life.

While research touts that women who work outside the home are still doing the lion’s share of household work, the reality is that both genders are struggling to maintain a household standards set at a time when one person was working full time in the home. Instead of doing battle with ourselves and each other to maintain outmoded visions of what a home should be, take these steps to create a new vision of domestic bliss that allows everyone to shine.

• Stop comparing and competing.

If you keep a running tally of how many more times you’ve washed the dishes, made dinner or taken out the garbage than your spouse has, you’re playing a losing game. Known as “egocentric bias” it’s human nature to pay more attention to ourselves than to others. You don’t see everything your spouse does, but you do see all the effort you put in. This skews your perception to see your contributions as bigger than the contributions of others.

• Cultivate awareness.

Once you’ve stopped the comparison games, everyone’s in a better position to objectively inventory the work that’s actually being done. Have each person list what they typically do, how often they do it, and how much time it takes. This builds awareness of how much work is involved in maintaining a household at the standards to which you’ve all become accustomed. Remember that this exercise is not about blame, vindication or feeling superior to one another. It’s about doing an accurate and objective accounting of the household workload. Note that the goal is an equitable distribution of the household labour, not an equal one, so remember to inventory the hours each family member works/studies outside the home and their commute time. These realities must be factored in.

• Identify preferences, passions and personalities.

Review your list through the lens of each family member’s strengths, passions and personalities. One person might enjoy paying bills and keeping track of “nances, another might find it fun to do the gardening, and another might “nd ironing or vacuuming meditative. The first pass of your list should assign tasks according to the things each person likes to do. The second pass assigns responsibilities according to what a person doesn’t mind doing or finds easy. The third pass divides up any remaining tasks that no one really wants as fairly and logically as possible or looks at ways to automate, systematize, outsource or otherwise minimize this work.
This method does more than redistribute tasks, it reduces the overall amount of time and energy required to accomplish them.

• Re-evaluate your standards.

Every person has different standards when it comes to managing and maintaining their household. Do you like your sheets changed weekly or monthly? Do you hang some things to dry or does everything go in the dryer? Do you like dishes done right after a meal or do you prefer to relax for the evening and do
dishes in the morning? It’s hard to let go of your expectations of what “has” to be done and how it “should” be done, but getting curious about your standards and expectations is a key step in creating a more harmonious household. Here are a few questions to ask:

• What’s your common vision?

See if your family can distill their vision of a happy household down into just a few words. Calm and
connected. Ready for action. Green and healthy.
Each of these di#erent vision statements might lead to di#erent choices about household maintenance.

• What are your priorities?

What really has to be done for you to feel satis”ed with how your household – and your life – runs.

• What are your current standards costing you?

Does your daily home cooked sit down family meal eat up the extra hour you could use to zip out to the gym, do some painting or read a book? The more you get curious and communicate about each of your standards, why it matters to you and what upholding that standard “costs” the easier it will be to agree on the standards everyone cares to uphold and to build new systems and habits to reinforce them.

• Persist in building systems and habits.

Patience, respect, communication and open-mindedness are essential ingredients to the process. In our home we are constantly implementing new systems and striving to develop better habits that enable us to maintain our vision of household harmony with the greatest ease and the most fun. The frustration doesn’t disappear overnight, but over time, your methods for sharing the load will evolve into an elegant dance instead of a daily blood bath. Changes to government policy, a#ordable childcare and the creation of more meaningful and lucrative opportunities for women in the private sector are all essential to allowing women their rightful time to shine. At the end of the day, however, we all pay a price if we expect women to work more outside the home without changing the way everyone works together inside the home.

About Andrea Jacques

Andrea Jacques is the founder of Kyosei Consulting and the author of Wabi-Sabi Wisdom: Inspiration for an Authentic Life (available on Amazon.com). She has spent more than 30 years developing the potential of people and businesses worldwide, five of which were in Japan. A dynamic speaker, coach, and facilitator, her work integrates spiritual insight with top-tier leadership, wellness and sustainability consulting to help individuals and organizations build thriving, purpose-driven cultures where employees know their work truly matters. She can be contacted through her website at www.kyoseiconsulting.com