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Divorce by international couples
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Japan’s Health, Labour & Welfare Ministry’s latest statistics reveal a continuing decline in the number of divorce by international couples. While this may be a good thing, couples going through one may find themselves in emotionally charged situations. We asked Dr. Douglas Berger of Meguro Counseling Center what he can tell us about divorce for international couples from a counseling center’s perspective.
Dr. Douglas Berger:
Divorce for international couples in Japan can be relatively easy and hassle free, or it can be rife with numerous problems, some familiar to any divorcing couple, and some hard for the non-Japanese side to reconcile with the usual concepts of fairness in a broken family.
From a counseling perspective, we usually try to keep families together or at least give the couple a chance to understand and help themselves, sometimes requiring one partner to accept and/or treat depression, anxiety, attention deficit disorder, and other psychiatric problems. There is usually an underlying cause of arguments that spiral out of control, and this may often be due to power struggles or stubbornness with neither party willing to give in. Not infrequently cases of infidelity, usually on the husband’s part but sometimes on the wife’s side, are a deal breaker. In these cases, we try to curb further infidelity while we counsel the other spouse to decrease their resentments and have some acceptance of human nature in order to keep the family together.
When attempts at reconciliation fail, the couple may decide on divorce. Some couples or spouses come to therapy with divorce already in progress. In Japan, the terms of divorce may be “consensual” or mutually agreed, or go to an arbitration council (arbitrations may also be requested by the couple just to confirm the consensual divorce is fair). Arbitration is a non-binding meeting with persons related to, but outside the family court, and includes lay persons and persons who may have some background in social welfare. Naturally, you must be a Japanese citizen to be on the council and the meetings are conducted in Japanese.
The arbitration council will usually explore the possibility that the couple can reconcile or at least agree to a consensual divorce, they also want to keep couples from going to family court to reduce the case burden on the courts. Most couples who go to arbitration are already stuck and arbitration does little to get them unglued. Arbitration may also take many months and many meetings, often causing ongoing frustration and huge amounts of time spent resulting in few concrete agreements, and possibly no child visitation during this time if there is a custody issue. The foreign spouse may find that arbitration is not considering their needs fairly when it comes to ideas on custody or visitation of children.
When arbitration fails to get an agreement, the next step is family court. Assets achieved after marriage are usually split down the middle, except for rare instances custody is invariably given to the Japanese spouse no matter what the situation (the Japanese wife or the Japanese husband’s parents are the usual caretakers of the children), and visitation is commonly allotted to the non-Japanese parent at one hour, once a month, under supervision of the parent with custody, and assuming they have paid child support. These minor visitation rights are often a shock for the parent without parental rights. The spouse with custody can just claim the child is not feeling well or that they are busy and skip a visitation, or every visitation for years even so that the family court’s decision on allowing this even minor visitation has no teeth to it in actuality. The child’s school does not often allow the non-custodial parent onto school grounds during special events (or any time), and many parents become despondent. On the opposite side, the family court has blunt teeth when it comes to enforce splitting of assets or child support, and spouses attempting to collect funds need to go to the Civil Enforcement Center and undertake further court procedures if the other spouse does not pay. It may still be difficult to collect funds if the spouse holding funds is recalcitrant, and non payment is a civil matter not a criminal matter.
Some foreign spouses go thru the legal system and garner some value from this. Most find the time, effort, and emotional burden was overwhelming compared to the frustrating outcome. Many continue to pay various forms of support hoping the system will be fair, however, favorable outcomes in the end really depend on both spouses’ ability to be reasonable, not the family court’s decisions. Legal counsel is naturally limited in many ways because lawyers must follow the rules allowed by the court system regardless of the likelihood of the court to be fair from all perspectives. Sometimes out-of-court creative strategies regarding financial or social negotiations may have more value, or at least no negative value, than going thru the court system which is often reported to have negative value by many non-Japanese spouses.
Be sure to note that this article does not purport to be an exhaustive discussion on divorce in Japan, and it is certain that various opinions and experiences exist so that we do not claim that the information in this article is or has been correct for everyone. While a Japan barred lawyer is necessary for all legal advice, a counselor or life coach familiar with divorce and the social system in Japan may be of help to brainstorm on creative strategies that they know have worked for others.
The discussions herein are meant as general information and advice only. Each person needs to make their own personal life decisions and to contact a mental health professional for consultation, if deemed appropriate.
Dr. Berger and his staff at the Meguro Counseling Center in the Shibuya-Ebisu area provide mental health care for individuals, couples, and families, in both English and Japanese. www.megurocounseling.com
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About Douglas Berger, M.D., Ph.D.
Dr. Douglas Berger and his staff at the Meguro Counseling Center in the Shibuya-Ebisu area provide mental health care for individuals, couples, and families, in both English and Japanese. www.megurocounseling.comRelated Posts
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Michelin-starred Sushi train restaurant opens in Omotesando
Ginza Onodera, a Michelin-starred restaurant known for sushi and...
- October 11, 2021
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Tokyo’s Christmas Market in Hibiya Park Returns
Pencil this in. From December 10 (Friday) until Christmas...
- October 11, 2021
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Shonan Candle Illumination
You know the autumn isn’t officially here unless the...
- October 11, 2021
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Pierre Hermes collaborates with Sanrio’s Hello Kitty
November 1st is the birthday of Hello Kitty, Japan’s...
- October 8, 2021
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The Strings Omotesando is taking orders for surprise cakes.
The Strings Omotesando is gearing up for the Christmas...
- October 1, 2021
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Facebook puts Instagram Kids project on pause amid mental health concerns
The head of Instagram Adam Mosseri said Monday it...
- September 27, 2021
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Emergency status extended in Tokyo and 18 prefectures
Japan extends emergency status over the novel coronavirus pandemic ...
- September 13, 2021
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Doctors warn: Milk Crate TikTok Challenge Can Cause Terrible Injury
If you have children at home, you probably have...
- August 27, 2021
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Meet the Teenpreneurs who just sold their first startup.
Two teen coders from Seattle, Sage Khanuja, 17, and...
- July 27, 2021
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The important life skills children learn in a Karate class.
Karate is in itself both an art form and...
- July 26, 2021
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Skin irritation from prolonged mask wearing? Here’s a fix.
While it it important to continue wearing a mask...
- July 21, 2021
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A Giant Digital Art Garden is Happening at the Tokyo Midtown
Families may not be able to watch the...
- July 14, 2021
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The Vegan Ramen here is delicious.
As many ramen restaurants in Japan are discovering since...
- July 7, 2021
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Steamed Chicken salad with baby potatoes and lettuce
Using a simple olive oil, roasted garlic and lemon...
- June 21, 2021
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Anna Umemiya misses the greatest dad in the world.
Although the life of model, tv personality and product...
- June 18, 2021
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Study reveals Vegetarians and Pescatarians are less likely to get seriously ill from covid than meat eaters
A new case study, published in the BMJ Nutrition,...
- June 9, 2021
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Why I think Tokyo Disneyland attracts more adults than kids.
While being one of the most profitable imports from...
- March 2, 2021
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Moomin Valley Park features 1,200 umbrellas this spring.
Being around 1,200 colorful umbrellas offer a respite from...
- February 22, 2021
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When is the right time to go back to work after having a baby?
Having a baby is exciting, exhausting, and expensive. At...
- February 9, 2021
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Japan to stop giving child benefit to high-Income families
Currently, Japan pays a ¥5,000 child allowance as...
- February 3, 2021
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Life is too short to miss out on these tantalizing desserts.
It’s no understatement to say that not only do...
- February 2, 2021
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Japan’s amended Paternal leave may start in October 2022
When Japanese environment minister, Shinjiro Koizumi announced that he...
- January 28, 2021
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Japan’s Immigration Bureau warns foreigners about impostor scammers posing as immigration officials
Impostor scams can cost you money, cause identity theft...
- January 26, 2021
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Registration for entrance examinations to national and public universities nationwide begins today.
A total of 98,896 students aiming to be admitted...
- January 25, 2021
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The most expensive steak sandwich in Japan
Are you ready to spend money on the most...
- January 6, 2021
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Top 10 Kitchen Essentials People Are Buying in Japan
As the pandemic sway more families into eating at...
- December 31, 2020
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Mom in California dies from Covid after giving birth
Vanessa Cardenas Gonzalez, a 33-year old mom in California...
- December 30, 2020
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Keisei Skyliner reserves front car of train for travelers
The Keisei Electric Railway that operates the Keisei Limited...
- December 29, 2020
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“Don’t undercook your meat,” reminds Japan’s health authorities.
With the feasting season upon us, many families will...
- December 26, 2020
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How to make a chunky, delicious Clam Chowder kids love.
It’s officially winter. ‘Tis the season for soup...
- December 24, 2020
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Why UK Scientists fear New COVID-19 mutant virus may easily infect children.
Up until now, researchers believed children under the age...
- December 23, 2020
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Japan tightens restrictions on passengers entering the country from the U.K.
Responding to the threat posed by the highly contagious...
- December 23, 2020
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Japan’s recent case count increases slowly but consistently.
According to this week’s COVID update by the World...
- December 23, 2020
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Romain Vandendorpe breaks world record for immersing himself in ice cubes for the longest time.
On December 19, 2020, a 34-year old Frenchman Romain...
- December 22, 2020
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WHO Health for All Film Festival invites film-makers to join the film competition
The WHO Health for All Film Festival invites independent film-makers, production...
- December 21, 2020
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Fuji-Q Highland’s new observation deck to give visitors a premium view of Mount Fuji
The roller coaster at Fuji Q Highland will be...
- December 20, 2020
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Six million light bulbs shine on Sagamiko Pleasure Forest this season
Japan’s largest illumination event, the Sagamiko Pleasure Forest illumination...
- December 15, 2020
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2020 Open Innovation Lounge hosted by Hyundai includes Finland-based startup
FLEXOUND Augmented Audio™ was invited to Hyundai Motor Group’s...
- December 9, 2020
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How to make a French style mocha eclair at home.
Although the pandemic has forced families to keep holiday...
- December 7, 2020
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Where to watch dancing sardines in Japan.
Hakkejima Sea Paradise in Yokohama is bringing in “Super...
- November 12, 2020
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Christmas lights go on display in Ginza
Tokyo is always at the forefront of urban illumination...
- November 11, 2020
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Children exposed to violence and abuse likely to age faster, new Harvard study reveals.
Recently published findings (Psychology Bulletin) by researchers at Harvard...
- August 13, 2020
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When babies won’t sleep.
Wide-awake-at-night babies drive first-time parents nuts. The reality of...
- July 10, 2020
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Japan’s Kanagawa prefecture’s coronavirus test is significantly quicker..
WHO-endorsed Nucleic Acid Amplification Tests (NAAT), a method that...
- July 7, 2020
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Japanese life hack products every resident should know.
The kitchen is one of the dirtiest areas of...
- July 2, 2020
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Harry Potter and the Cursed Child play on Tokyo stage in 2022.
People in Tokyo will have every reason to get...
- February 14, 2020
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Perfect Winter Getaway: Nagano and Karuizawa
Families looking for a holiday retreat away from the...
- February 14, 2020
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Forest-style learning: Komazawa Park International School
The school’s increasingly popular forest-style learning is a beacon...
- February 13, 2020
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If you have this line on your palm, you have what it takes to be wealthy and famous.
You know you’ve walked past “Te saw” or palm...
- May 12, 2016
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Chinese garlic is cheap but I won’t be buying it ever again. Here’s why.
We know that when it comes to food, the...
- August 22, 2016
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If you drink tap water in Japan, here’s something you need to know.
According to posters distributed by Japan Water Works Association...
- April 6, 2017
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