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My dirty little secret: I was a breastfeeding bust
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Yeah, yeah, I know. Breast is best. During my pre-natal classes, I received 44 handouts, including “50 reasons why you must breastfeed”, and a list of support groups for nursing moms, compared with one poorly-photocopied diagram showing how to sterilize a bottle. The touchy-feely videos we watched featured softly lit, three-month-old cherubs perfectly latched onto their well-rested mother’s breast, with spa-like music playing in the background.But nobody ever talked about new mommies who “fail” Breastfeeding 101. I’m not talking about sore nipples here. I mean women who, like me, cannot nurse.
Up to 85 per cent of women start out breastfeeding their newborns. Yet, fewer than half still do to six months later. I have come to believe that a large percentage of mothers who “choose” not to continue breastfeeding probably didn’t have much of a choice at all. My son is five, and it took me years to come to terms with the guilt and sense of loss about not being able to breastfeed.
After an emergency cesarean section, the post-partum nurse tried coaxing my new baby to latch onto my breast. “Let’s try waking up your inverted nipples,” she suggested, rolling in the hospital’s industrial-strength breast pump. Pumping felt uncomfortable and weird, but I did what I was told.
The next day, I developed a severe allergic reaction to the surgical tape that had held the epidural tubing to my back. I added this burning pain to my list of problems: My milk had barely come in. My son was miserable, hungry and rapidly losing weight. My husband and I supplemented him with formula through a tiny syringe to avoid the dreaded “nipple confusion”. I nursed every 90 minutes and pumped every two hours to boost my milk supply. The pain from my allergic reaction made sleep impossible. I tearfully wondered how long I could continue. “Whatever you do,” said the discharge nurse, “don’t stop breastfeeding.”
Three weeks later, I woke up at midnight with a 104-degree fever, and two massive, red, excruciating melons on my chest. I had mastitis, a painful, inflammatory infection of the breast. I called a health hotline, where a nurse suggested putting cold cabbage leaves on my throbbing boobs. “Whatever you do, don’t stop breastfeeding,” she added.
Within hours, I was readmitted to the hospital, where it took doctors nearly four days to get my fever down with IV antibiotics. I gamely continued pumping every two hours, sending home what little milk trickled out, so family members could add it to my boy’s formula.
At one point, I weakly whispered to one of the nurses that maybe I should stop breastfeeding so that I could get well. “You can’t give up!” I was told. “Whatever you do, don’t stop breastfeeding!”
Then a medical student mentioned that with severe mastitis, you’re more prone to blocked milk ducts and recurrences. I knew then that I was done. “Some decisions are made for us,” my husband said, trying to console me.
There are lots of mommies like me out there, desperately trying to breastfeed. But you know what? Sometimes, IT JUST DOESN’T WORK OUT. And that should be okay. But it isn’t. A 2005 study out of England’s University of Kent found that how women feed their babies has become a measure of motherhood. The thinking out there is that mothers have a responsibility to breastfeed, no matter what.
My son’s pediatrician certainly agreed. Even after hearing my tale of woe, he asked, “Are you sure you tried hard enough?”
Tried hard enough? The droning sound of that sickly-green breast pump that doubled as my night table for weeks had become the soundtrack of my life. Even the labels on my son’s cans of formula mocked me with their warnings: “Breast milk is the ideal method of feeding infant.” Which I interpreted as, “You must be a pretty lousy mother if you can’t breastfeed.”
Whenever I dared pull out a bottle at the park, I met with the raised eyebrows of complete strangers who felt compelled to ask me why I wasn’t breastfeeding. I felt utterly alone, a complete failure for the first time in my life. Where were the support groups for me?
At my six-week post-partum checkup, I was referred to a nurse and lactation consultant. When she met me and said, “It’s going to be okay,” I burst into tears. I had finally found someone who wasn’t treating me like a criminal.
“There’s a big difference between breastfeeding support and breastfeeding pressure,” explains the consultant. “Support means enabling a woman to breastfeed. Pressure is making her breastfeed at all costs. I encourage women to breastfeed for as long as they can, and if that’s one day, it’s better than not trying at all. We need to take into consideration what’s going on in a mother’s life, and help her make the best decision she can.”
The lactation consultant says patients who decide to quit breastfeeding say, ‘You’re going to be so disappointed in me.’ “I reassure them, because it’s important that we respect each other’s decisions as women and as mothers, and we don’t do that enough,” she notes. “A mother is trying to do the best she can, and breastfeeding is just one of many good things she can do for her baby.”
She taught me how to wean safely, so I wouldn’t develop blocked milk ducts. But more importantly, she taught me that failing Breastfeeding 101 did not make me a failure. I became grateful for the tiny blessing in my arms, who thrived “despite” drinking formula. “This should be a joyous time for new parents but women become obsessed with breastfeeding successfully, and many experience frustration, disappointment, even depression. I wonder if we’re creating breastfeeding trauma by insisting women nurse for whatever time we’ve decided is normal”, she adds.
The good news is that once your baby starts eating solids, nobody cares what he used to drink. But in the meantime, if you see a mother bottle-feeding her baby in the park, do me a favor. Go give her a hug.
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About Wendy Helfenbaum
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The important life skills children learn in a Karate class.
Karate is in itself both an art form and...
- July 26, 2021
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Skin irritation from prolonged mask wearing? Here’s a fix.
While it it important to continue wearing a mask...
- July 21, 2021
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A Giant Digital Art Garden is Happening at the Tokyo Midtown
Families may not be able to watch the...
- July 14, 2021
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The Vegan Ramen here is delicious.
As many ramen restaurants in Japan are discovering since...
- July 7, 2021
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Steamed Chicken salad with baby potatoes and lettuce
Using a simple olive oil, roasted garlic and lemon...
- June 21, 2021
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Anna Umemiya misses the greatest dad in the world.
Although the life of model, tv personality and product...
- June 18, 2021
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Study reveals Vegetarians and Pescatarians are less likely to get seriously ill from covid than meat eaters
A new case study, published in the BMJ Nutrition,...
- June 9, 2021
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Why I think Tokyo Disneyland attracts more adults than kids.
While being one of the most profitable imports from...
- March 2, 2021
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Moomin Valley Park features 1,200 umbrellas this spring.
Being around 1,200 colorful umbrellas offer a respite from...
- February 22, 2021
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When is the right time to go back to work after having a baby?
Having a baby is exciting, exhausting, and expensive. At...
- February 9, 2021
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Japan to stop giving child benefit to high-Income families
Currently, Japan pays a ¥5,000 child allowance as...
- February 3, 2021
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Life is too short to miss out on these tantalizing desserts.
It’s no understatement to say that not only do...
- February 2, 2021
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Japan’s amended Paternal leave may start in October 2022
When Japanese environment minister, Shinjiro Koizumi announced that he...
- January 28, 2021
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Japan’s Immigration Bureau warns foreigners about impostor scammers posing as immigration officials
Impostor scams can cost you money, cause identity theft...
- January 26, 2021
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Registration for entrance examinations to national and public universities nationwide begins today.
A total of 98,896 students aiming to be admitted...
- January 25, 2021
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The most expensive steak sandwich in Japan
Are you ready to spend money on the most...
- January 6, 2021
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Top 10 Kitchen Essentials People Are Buying in Japan
As the pandemic sway more families into eating at...
- December 31, 2020
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Mom in California dies from Covid after giving birth
Vanessa Cardenas Gonzalez, a 33-year old mom in California...
- December 30, 2020
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Keisei Skyliner reserves front car of train for travelers
The Keisei Electric Railway that operates the Keisei Limited...
- December 29, 2020
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“Don’t undercook your meat,” reminds Japan’s health authorities.
With the feasting season upon us, many families will...
- December 26, 2020
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How to make a chunky, delicious Clam Chowder kids love.
It’s officially winter. ‘Tis the season for soup...
- December 24, 2020
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Why UK Scientists fear New COVID-19 mutant virus may easily infect children.
Up until now, researchers believed children under the age...
- December 23, 2020
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Japan tightens restrictions on passengers entering the country from the U.K.
Responding to the threat posed by the highly contagious...
- December 23, 2020
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Japan’s recent case count increases slowly but consistently.
According to this week’s COVID update by the World...
- December 23, 2020
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Romain Vandendorpe breaks world record for immersing himself in ice cubes for the longest time.
On December 19, 2020, a 34-year old Frenchman Romain...
- December 22, 2020
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WHO Health for All Film Festival invites film-makers to join the film competition
The WHO Health for All Film Festival invites independent film-makers, production...
- December 21, 2020
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Fuji-Q Highland’s new observation deck to give visitors a premium view of Mount Fuji
The roller coaster at Fuji Q Highland will be...
- December 20, 2020
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Six million light bulbs shine on Sagamiko Pleasure Forest this season
Japan’s largest illumination event, the Sagamiko Pleasure Forest illumination...
- December 15, 2020
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2020 Open Innovation Lounge hosted by Hyundai includes Finland-based startup
FLEXOUND Augmented Audio™ was invited to Hyundai Motor Group’s...
- December 9, 2020
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How to make a French style mocha eclair at home.
Although the pandemic has forced families to keep holiday...
- December 7, 2020
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Where to watch dancing sardines in Japan.
Hakkejima Sea Paradise in Yokohama is bringing in “Super...
- November 12, 2020
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Christmas lights go on display in Ginza
Tokyo is always at the forefront of urban illumination...
- November 11, 2020
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Children exposed to violence and abuse likely to age faster, new Harvard study reveals.
Recently published findings (Psychology Bulletin) by researchers at Harvard...
- August 13, 2020
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When babies won’t sleep.
Wide-awake-at-night babies drive first-time parents nuts. The reality of...
- July 10, 2020
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Japan’s Kanagawa prefecture’s coronavirus test is significantly quicker..
WHO-endorsed Nucleic Acid Amplification Tests (NAAT), a method that...
- July 7, 2020
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Japanese life hack products every resident should know.
The kitchen is one of the dirtiest areas of...
- July 2, 2020
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Harry Potter and the Cursed Child play on Tokyo stage in 2022.
People in Tokyo will have every reason to get...
- February 14, 2020
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Perfect Winter Getaway: Nagano and Karuizawa
Families looking for a holiday retreat away from the...
- February 14, 2020
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Forest-style learning: Komazawa Park International School
The school’s increasingly popular forest-style learning is a beacon...
- February 13, 2020
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If you have this line on your palm, you have what it takes to be wealthy and famous.
You know you’ve walked past “Te saw” or palm...
- May 12, 2016
- 1
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Chinese garlic is cheap but I won’t be buying it ever again. Here’s why.
We know that when it comes to food, the...
- August 22, 2016
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